Secrets
by xxPenisawrxx
Summary: Alec gets raped at age 15 by Izzy's boyfriend. He will try to see if he can learn to trust people again. Mainly MALEC but other characters will appear. Contains bad language!Important:MY NAME CHANGED FROM Malec 101 TO xxPenisawrxx!
1. Nightmares

Secrets

Alec was laying on Magnus's couch. He thought about what Magnus had proposed to him. He wanted him to move in with him. He said it would allow him to see his _wonderful_ boyfriend more often. Alec didn't know what to do. He knew if he moved in with Magnus he would be expected to have sex with him eventually. He knew he couldn't give himself to Magnus because he wasn't worth it. Magnus was amazing whereas he was a stupid child. He didn't deserve to even be with Magnus. Not after what had happened with Izzy. He had been thinking for over two hours when he fell asleep.

_He had been in his room when there was a knock at the door. When he opened it he was surprised to see Izzy's boyfriend, Igno. _

_"Um... Izzy's not here right now but she should be back soon." Alec was trying to figure out why Igno was at his door of all places._

_"I'm not here for Isabelle." Igno entered his room and grabbed Alec's wrists. _

_"Ouch! Let go, please? You're..." Alec was cut off when Igno shoved his tongue down his throat.  
>Igno started to push him toward the bed. He shoved him down and got on top of him. He could feel himself get hard against Alec. Well, if Isabelle wasn't here he'd take the next best thing. He kissed Alec and felt Alec go stiff and refuse to coraporate with him. He held himself up with one hand while keeping Alec trapped. SMACK! He hit him as hard as he could. When he started to see the red hand shape turn into a bruise he lowered himself back down. "If you don't do what I want you'll get worse than that." He smiled when he heard Alec whimper. "Hold still." <em>

_He felt himself shake when he felt Igno's hands on his waist. Oh god, he didn't want to do this. He started praying. Please God, please make him stop! When his hand reached the snap on his pants he knew that Igno wouldn't stop. He felt the denim slide down his legs. He was scared. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was now out of his shirt and his pants. Igno pulled his boxers down and threw them off to the side. He felt so vunerable and tried to cover himself up. When he did Igno slapped him again and flipped him over onto his stomach with his butt in the air. He heard the zip of a zipper and then felt something hard on his rear. Suddenly there was a sharp pain. It got worse with each thrust Igno did. He wanted him to stop. He even begged him to stop but each time he said something he ended up getting slapped. Right as Igno came Izzy walked into the room. Igno quicky rolled over so that Alec was on top of him. Izzy ran out of the room. Igno finally pulled out and left Alec bleeding and crying. He was only fifteen._

"Hey! Alec, are you ok?"

Alec woke up to Magnus's sexy voice. His eyes were unfocused from his nap, but he could tell that Magnus was worried. It wasn't till then that he realized he was sweating. "Yeah just had a bad dream is all."

"Are you sure?" Magnus saw Alec nod his head, but he couldn't help but think that he was hiding something from him. So he just wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and did the best he could do to sooth him. Whatever he had dreamt had greatly disturbed him. That much was obvious. Magnus couldn't stop from hoping that one day Alec would trust him enough to let him inside his most private thoughts.


	2. A Little Game

**AN: I don't own anything except for the plot and Igno. :(**

A Little Game

When Alec had calm down and knew that his face wouldn't betray him he pulled himself out of Magnus's arms. "I'm sorry but I gotta go."

Magnus just looked for any sign of weakness in his boyfriend's eyes but found none. "Okay just call me later. Maybe we can hang out after your appointment?"

"Maybe." Alec just walked away without looking back. There was no way he could have sex with him. No way that he could trust anyone for that matter. He loved Magnus with all his heart but he couldn't put himself out. He didn't want to be hurt again. It was one thing to be raped, but to lose your sister because of it was another.

_When he had found the strength to get off the bed he went to find Izzy. She had looked soo hurt and he hated himself for it. Maybe if he explained what had happened she might be a little better. He finally located her in the kitchen. _

_"Izzy... I'm soo sorry but it wasn't what it looked like..." He started to explain._

_"Don't you even bother! I saw what was going on, you faggot. You can't even find your own boyfriend to fuck? How pathetic! Why did you have to steal mine? Why, Alec, why?"_

_Alec was close to tears when he heard the words come out of his own sister's mouth. "But I..." Again he was cut off. _

_"You know what? Why don't you go fuck off? You're disgusting." She turned her back and waited for him to walk away._

_He did as she wanted and left. He left the only home he had ever had and hoped that somehow and someway Izzy would find it in her heart to forgive him._

He found himself in front of the Institute's door. He could feel his heartbeat rise with each step he took. He took a deep breath as he crossed the barrier. He went upstairs past his old bedroom and infront of his adopted brother's, Jace, door. He knocked lightly half hoping that Jace wouldn't open the door. To his dissapointment he did.

Jace raised a eyebrow when he saw Alec at his door. "Sorry, but in case Izzy didn't make it clear you're not welcome under this roof. Something about having sex with their boyfriend tends to piss them off. If I were you I would leave before she got home. Oops too late," the door had just slammed shut and they could both hear the clicking of heels on the tiled floors of the Institute,"it seems that you just missed your chance to escape unscathed. Good luck, you're gonna need it." With that being said he shut his bedroom door in Alec's face.

As soon as Izzy came into sight Alec tried his best to melt into the wall. Unfortunely, he didn't have the power of invisibility. Izzy stopped dead in her tracks and gave her "once" brother a death glare.  
>"What are you doing here? I thought I made it perfectly clear that I never wanted to see you again."<p>

"I'm sorry but you don't understand..."

"I don't care. Goodbye Alexander Lightwood and good riddance."

He watched as his baby sister sashayed away down the hall and felt his heart plummet to his stomach. He turned around and left for Magnus's house. Maybe it was time to tell someone what had happened that night three years ago. Hopefully Magnus could even help make Izzy understand that her brother had never meant to hurt her. He could only hope.

"Magnus! Where are you hiding at?" Alec looked around the apartment and couldn't find Magnus anywhere. He froze when he heard someone chuckle behind him. He whirled around to face Igno. "W...what do you want? " He couldn't help but stammer. The fact was that Igno terrified him.

"We're gonna play a game." Igno watched Alec's every move and waited for him to bolt. When Alec did he caught him by the wrist and dragged him to Magnus's bedroom. "You have one of two choices you can either let me into your pants or I can get in your pants for you and give you a gift afterwards. He let go off Alec's hand and waited for him to answer.

"No! Don't Magnus will know what you did." Alec was trying to get himself out of this mess.

"True. You're lucky since you get to keep your pants on. How about we play a different game instead. Igno grabbed his wrist again and reached into his own pocket and grabbed a seraph blade. "Since you aren't grateful enough that I choose you I'll make sure no one will want you anymore. He ran the blade the whole length of Alec's arm and enjoyed it even more when he cried out in pain. He did the same with his other arm. "Now what to do that pretty little face of yours? Ah I know." He caressed his cheek with the tip of the knife. "What if I was suddenly to put more pressure on the knife like this?"

Alec screamed in pain as the knife went through one cheek and out the other. He could feel tears sliding down his face. He hated this man more than anything in the world. He wanted to get as far away from him as he possibly could but he knew that it would be an useless effort on his behalf. He just hoped that Igno was almost done. It seemed that he was taking his sweet time carving into his face. He felt the knife cut across his face diagnally. He gave a sigh of relief when Igno put the knife away.

"You better do what I ask next time or it will be sweet Isabelle that gets cut up only she might not be so lucky." He gave Alec a flirtacious wink and left the apartment.

Alec decided to go check out the damage that was inflicted upon his face and gasped at the sight. He was ashamed of himself for letting that happen. He couldn't help but think that Magnus would leave him now. _Stop being stupid. He's not that sallow. It doesn't matter what you look like because he'll aways love you for you._


	3. Honesty

**Hey I'm Back! I'm extremely sorry for the long wait, but we went through a move to the beautiful state of Tennessee from Indiana. Yeah but if you don't buy my moving excuse I just now got Internet so yeah. You can't update without Internet... So please review to tell me how I'm doing, or not. Thanks.**

Honesty

He wanted for Magnus to get home. He wondered why Igno had chosen him to torture. Well it was better him than Izzy. Alec jumped when he heard the door slam and then relaxed as he heard the familiar thumping of Magnus's boots on the wooden floor. As soon as Magnus had reached his bedroom he heard him gasp. Alec bent his head down in shame. He couldn't help it as the tears started to roll down his face. Magnus's would think that he was hideous and leave him.

"Baby, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar. Come here and let me see your face."

Alec did as Magnus asked and cried out in surprise when he felt the tingling of Magnus's magic coursing through his hands and onto Alec's wounds. He dared to look up and saw a look of pain in the warlocks eyes.

"Ok your face is done. Now let me see your arms." When Alec didn't give him his arms Magnus just reached out and took them. He poured all his energy into helping Alec feel better but it seemed it wouldn't be enough. Frustrated he let go of Alec's arms and ran his hands through his own hair making it stand up on end. "Sorry baby, but you're gonna have the scars on your arms. I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. After all I am a Shadowhunter. Don't you think it would be strange if I didn't have scars?" He put his hands under Magnus's chin and gave him a tender kiss.

Magnus deepened the kiss and pushed up againd his boyfriend until the blue eyes he loved so much were facing the ceiling and started to take off some of their clothing. When he reached Alec's belt buckle he started to feel the boy struggling beneath him. "Hey, calm down." He had the belt buckle undone and was working on getting his pants off.

"S...s..stop!" Alec started struggling even more.

"What's wrong?" Alec was really starting to worry him. Maybe he was pushing him too far. Maybe he was just scared. Whatever it was Magnus wanted to find out. "Please tell me?"

"Get off first." Alec watched as Magnus sat back and waited for him to begin. "When I was fifteen Izzy had this ass of a boyfriend."

"What does he have to do with any of this?" Magnus interrupted.

"Well if you'd let me finish you'd find out. He raped me. End of story."

"Well hell. I guess that means no sex for me?"

"You're such an ass!" Alec threw the closest object to him, which happened to be a pillow, at Magnus's face and they both burst out laughing.

They decided to make plans to go out for ice cream the next day. Needless to say Magnus was looking forward to it.


	4. I am Penisawr!

**I'm sorry but I had to change my name on here. Don't ask why its a long story. Anyways, I was gonna wait until updating but I said to myself, What the heck? :) Anyways, again, remember before you decide to hate this chapter, it was the outcome of a really depressing time for me and made me laugh. So simply it is ****a goof off chapter that I hope you all enjoy.**

I AM PENISAUR!

_There once was a man trying to name a new creation. He thought he had the perfect name picked out. When he went to name the creature he was immediately frustrated. For the creature was retarded._

_"I name you Venisaur." said the scientist._

_"PENISAUR!"_

_"No. Your name is Venisaur."_

_"PENISAUR!"_

_"NO! YOUR NAME IS VENISAUR!"_

_"PENISAUR!"_

_"Fine your name is Penisaur." The scientist said with an exasperated sigh._

_"VENISAUR!" The creature just smiled at its creator knowing that he had beat man._

xx The Next Day xx

"Hey are you gonna eat that?" Magnus eyed Alec's Oreo Blizzard.

"I guess not now. Here you go." He just rolled his eyes as Magnus scarfed down the ice cream. "I hope you get a brain freeze."

"Impossible! Hahaha! Since I'm hot my brain can never be frozen."

"You're so full of it."

"Alexander, my darling, what is it?"

"Definately ice cream at this point later to be..."

"ALEXANDER! THIS IS A PUBLIC RESTUARANT! DO NOT TELL ME I'M FULL OF CRAP!"  
>"For this being a public restuarant you sure are loud." With that being said he got up from the table and exited the restuarant.<p>

Magnus getting up and leaving to go follow Alec tried to will his face to return to a normal color. He soon caught up with the boy and realized where they were. "Why are we at the park?"

"Well, I figure you'll have less a chance to embarrass yourself here."

"Wanna bet?"

"No, Magnus, I do not want to bet you because I know you'll find a way to do it anyways."

"Yep! I AM PENISAUR!"

"You are not penisaur because penisaur was a retard."

"There is no way on Earth that you know that story."

"Wanna bet?"

"Hell yeah!"

"A scientist is trying to name a creature he created. He wanted to name it Venisaur but it kept saying Penisaur so eventually the man agreed to name it Penisaur. In the end the creature says it's called Venisaur. I win."

"No fair!"

"Is too. Anyways you're more of a Venisaur. The Venisaur was cuter."

"Aww. Are you calling me cute?" Magnus started to laugh as Alec's face turned a crimson red. "Come on. Lets go home."

Alec just nodded his head in agreement.


	5. It Has to Come Out

It Has To Come Out

He decided not to go home with Magnus. He told him that he had to leave early to get ready to go to an appointment. He felt incrediablely guilty about lying to his lover, but it was necessary. When he came within a block of the Institute he started running. He was nervous as hell but they needed to know. He couldn't stand it anymore. His head felt like it was going to burst with all of his thoughts screaming to be let out. He froze on the doorstep when he arrived at his destination. He took a deep breath and crossed the threshhold.

He immediately ran into his father.

"What are you doing here, son?"

"I really need to talk to Izzy." He pleaded with his eyes hoping that his father had enough pity to let him pass by.

"You better hurry. You have five minutes, Alec."

Alec thanked the Angel that he was able to get pass his father unscathed. All he had to worry about was how Izzy would react to seeing him. He got to her door to soon to his liking. He walked in that way she couldn't slam the door in his face.

"Izzy, we need to talk, please?" Alec hated the way his voice trembled. _Oh dear Angel, please let her listen to my words and please let her find a way to forgive me._

"Whatever. Why would I want to talk to you?" Izzy stared at her brother with hatred filled eyes.

"Because you don't know the whole story."

"I know enough."

"No you don't!" Alec could feel the tears start streaming down his face.

"Whatever, get out of my room. You're disgusting." She turned her back to him.

"Izzy! He raped me!" His voice sounded choked through his tears.

"What?" Izzy had whipped back around to stare at Alec. She hated those words that had come out of his mouth. She knew now that he was telling the truth. She could always tell when he was lying. She stared at his broken face and walked over to stand directly in front of him. "Tell me what happened. Now." She knew she sounded apathetic but she need to know what that jackass had done to her brother.

Alec walked over to Izzy's bed and sat down. He felt his body start shaking and felt Izzy's arm around his shoulders. He stared at his feet and started to recall that hellish night.

"You had went to Jessamine's and he showed up at my bedroom door. I thought he was looking for you and I told him that you weren't home. He didn't want you though." Alec swallowed repeatedly before continuing. "He forced me back onto my bed and hit me every time I did something he didn't like. He flipped over when you walked in so he would make himself look better. God, Izzy it hurt. It hurt so much, but not as much as you hating me did."

Izzy let Alec's story sink into her brain. She felt so bad about leaving Alec to fend for himself. She didn't care about what her brother was going to tell her in the past and it was something she needed to know. She had froze him out without hearing his side of the story. Now that she had she wanted to go out and kill Igno. _That sick bastard. I'll make you pay for what you did. Trust me I won't rest till you regret your life._ "Do you want to stay with me tonight?" She felt herself get excited when Alec nodded his head.

"Well, I'm tired as fuck." Alec finally admitted.

"Me too, lets lie down. Sound good?"

Alec just nodded his head and fell asleep next to his sister. It was honestly the best sleep he'd gotten in the past three years.

**A/N: Hey guys, I hate myself for doing this but I need some help! I have two different chapters for the next chapter and I don't know which one to use. So if I may ask would you please do me the favor of choosing the letter A or B and putting it in a review? Both are good options in my opinion... So thanks for still reading and sorry.**


	6. Family is Back

**A/N: Hey guys! I finally got round to uploading a new chapter. For the record I got 3 As, 3 Bs, and 1 C. So I just flipped a coin. You will probably get the other option later on in the story though. And to the reviewer who made the comment on my name. I don't give a fuck whether you want it to be your name or not. Its my name and at least I logged in. But thank you for hopefully reading this story. Now my bitchy moment is over... THANK GOODNESS! :) Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter and you review to let me know how I did... Now enjoy!**

Family is Back

When he awoke it took him a minute to figure out where he was. Once he figured out that he was in Izzy's room he started to relax. He felt so much better since he told his sister what happened. It felt nice to have his baby sister back on his side after all the time that they've been apart. Maybe he could get the rest of his family back too. His thoughts were interrupting by a harsh banging on the door.

"Izzy! Get the hell up! Mom's getting pissy!" Jace shouted through the door.

Alec froze when he heard the voice of his adopted brother. _Fuck! What am I gonna do? He doesn't know I'm here and when he finds out...Fuck! _He heard Izzy groan and felt her roll over. He decided to help out Jace in the department of waking Izzy up.

"Hey, Iz. It's time to wake up." He started to shake her and pulled the blankets from her feet. "You better get up or I'll get the water."

"Shit! I'm up, I'm up." Izzy shot straight out of bed trying to avoid the threat of cold water. "You're an ass. You know that, right?"

"Yep, I sure do. So what now?" Alec raised his left eyebrow and laughed when Izzy tried to mimic it.

"Breakfast. Come on!" She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him towards the kitchen. "MOM! SET ONE MORE PLACE AT THE TABLE!"

"Do you have to yell right besides my ear?"

"Well duh! That's what little sisters were created for."

Mayrse rounded the corner and almost dropped the plates at the sight of her eldest son. "Alec! What are you doing here?" She looked between Izzy and Alec trying her best to figure out what was going on.

"Mom, Alec stayed with me last night." Izzy rolled her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, I take it that you're staying for breakfast?" She looked over to her son who avoided her gaze.

"Yes Ma'am." Alec could feel his face start to heat up. He really did not like to be put on the spot.

"Ok, then go to the dining room while I finish up."

Again Alec felt Izzy tugging him to their destination. He felt himself struggling to keep up with his sister. He felt everyone's eyes on him as soon as he entered the room. He was too nervous to make eye contact with any one at the table. _Shit. This is a very bad idea._ He finally looked up when he heard Jace clear his throat.

"So are we a family again?" Jace failed at not smirking as he asked the question everyone was dying to know.

"HELL YEAH!" Izzy shouted much to Alec's amusement.

It seemed like it was going to be a good day today. Alec knew that nothing could ruin it for him. He finally got his family back and nothing could make him happier.


	7. Author's Note

** A/N: I now have a Deviantart page! I'm still xxPenisawrxx or TheOneWhoIsAtheist. I will be using xxPenisawrxx for the continuation of this story. The other one I don't really know why I have it... Wow I might figure that out later, but I think that will likely be for different fandoms while xxPenisawr will be strictly The Mortal Instruments. I don't have Secrets updated on Deviantart yet, but it will be soon. I feel bad about abandoning but seriously why would they erase all of the excellent stories because of the content in them?**

** I am currently struggling with the next chapter of Secrets. It seems that I have lost my inspiration... Anyways if you guys have any ideas it would be greatly appreciated and if one of you give me an idea for the next chapter, the chapter will be dedicated to you. Thank you guys for following and favoriting Secrets and I'm greatly sorry for taking so long to update. **

** P.S. For anyone doing the Butterfly Project I hope you succeed with it. I am also going to finally do it. Wish me luck!**


	8. I'm Sorry Guys

Dear Readers,

I have lost all inspiration for my story Secrets. I'm ashamed to say but I believe I may not even finish it. If I ever do decide to finish it, it will be on DeviantArt and not on . I'm sorry for everyone who has alerted this story or even added it to their favorites. I simply do not believe I can finish it. Secrets was something that at one point in time I was proud of but not anymore. The further I go on the more I find myself hating it. It has gotten to the point where I have to force myself to write a chapter I don't want to write. As a writer, I can not put myself through this anymore. I'm sorry if I have disappointed you by discontinuing the story. I am truly sorry. I just can't continue to write this anymore. At first I had a great time writing it out. Now that is not the case. It ashames me to say that. I understand if you guys think I'm pulling a dick move. It even seems like that to me. I am sorry for letting you guys down, but I have the feeling if I did continue this story I would disappoint you more by letting it turn into crap. I have let that happen already. I am greatly sorry for even doing that. I should not have let it get as bad as it did. I'm truly sorry guys. I really am. I am sorry for wasting all of your guys time by writing a crap story and not even finishing it. I'm sorry. I really doubt that anything else will appear on my FanFiction page besides what is already on here, Secrets and Sorry. I'm sorry for doing this to you guys, but this is not something I enjoy anymore. I will still write fanfic on DeviantArt, but it will not be Malec or anything from the Mortal Instruments. I did upload Secrets like I promised so it is there. If you would like to check any thing that I have written on there my name is xxPenisawrxx. I'm getting off topic here. Sorry about that. I'm sorry for being a bitch for stopping Secrets to any of you that actually enjoyed it. I am sorry and will be for a while. I truly am.

Love,

xxPenisawrxx


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